u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
