why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
