I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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