Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
