I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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