He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
