True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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