There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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