so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
