I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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