Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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