Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
