you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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