She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
