why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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