Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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