it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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