just come out here and I will go home with you...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize