i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
