The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
