3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
