My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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