I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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