u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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