I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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