maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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