Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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