And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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