she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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