I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
