still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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