She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
