i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize