Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
