I cannot find my penis.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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