I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
