What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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