I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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