I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
