im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
