Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
