it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
