I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i think i have herpe
just one?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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