i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
