i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
