I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
