I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
