why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
