Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
