I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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