billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
