The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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