if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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