too bad you live with your parents still
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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