My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
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I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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