I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
