whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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