Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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