If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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