Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
