I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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