I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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