:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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