You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
