is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dignity is for republicans.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
