Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
