it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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