Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
