is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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